This is the twin book of the one I recommended earlier "Six Ways to Keep the 'Good' in Your Boy." This book reminds me the importance of "playing" with our girls. It is through those playful moments that we connect and through the connection comes the health dialogues that allow us to get to understand her world and to instill the life principles in her little heart. The book mentions about the three phrases (see below) in the parenting season, a good reference for us to keep in mind, so we can set the "phrase-appropriate" parenting goals.
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The Copycat Phase
Between the age of 2 and 5, your child is developing a set of moral values by copying you. Your daughter will want to model everything you and her father do. In her little brain she is saying, Mommy does it. I want to be like Mom because that feels good. I will do it too. She is acting out a consequential moral behavior. It makes her feel good to be like you.
The Counseling Phase
Between the age of 6 and 11, your child is developing a set of moral values by asking you why you believe what you believe and do what you do. It is an interactive phase of moral development, characterized by your child’s asking a lot of questions as she considers more variables. In her little brain she is asking, “Why does Mommy do that? I think I want to be like mom, but does it really feel good? Maybe I will do it too, if she can tell me why.” She is beginning to monitor her own conduct based on what she thinks.
The Coaching Phase
From the age of 12 through her adult years, your child is living out a set of moral values, and you’re pretty much an observer. It’s not like you’re in the stands and don’t get to tell her how to play the game of life, but you’re more like a coach. You’re not calling all the shots. It is a phase of reasoning during which she allows her values to begin to have a relationship with her behavior. In her maturing brain she is asking, How do I want to do this? Is there something I believe that will help me decide? Maybe I will do it, if it fits into what I believe.